If you’ve ever felt like you were thrown into adulthood without a single instruction guide or road map to show you the way, don’t worry, you’re not alone. I’m banking on the fact that we are all just wandering around winging it and hoping it turns out okay. In some parts of life, that strategy can get you by just fine, other times you need to learn a bit of offense.
At least I think I’m using that term correctly..
My point? That there are some parts of your life that though you may not know how to navigate exactly, you should learn, because they are extremely important. Relationships fall under this category.
Whether it is with your brother, best friend or boyfriend, learning how to make your relationships successful and happy will spill over into the rest of your life and help to grow yourself as well! So basically you should do it.
If you are wondering exactly how to do this, have no fear, I’ll tell you.
I’ve learned the key, the one key to having a successful relationship in your twenties or your whole adult life for that matter. There is one key to being able to work through problems, grow your relationship, and make you both feel valued.
Are you ready?
The One Thing To Do To Have Successful Relationships In Your Twenties
Learn yours. Learn theirs. Then act on it. It’s that simple.
If you are unfamiliar with what this is let me explain and then you should go and order the book here to fully understand it. (They also have a singles edition!) Love language, or your love language is the way you feel love and act out your love for others. There are five different love languages: Acts of Service, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Physical Touch, and Words of Affirmation.
I won’t go into explaining each one because what you really need to do is go here and take the test and then read all about each of them! In this post I’m simply going to tell you why you need to do this, and why it is the one thing to make any relationship successful.
What, after all, makes a relationship feel successful? What makes a relationship work? I strongly believe that when both parties feel loved and cared for in a relationship it is likely to last a lifetime. Think for instances of relationships where you didn’t feel like that? Did they last?
But, if the way we feel loved is not the way they show love to us, well that’s when we run into problems. And by problems, I mean you feeling like that person doesn’t care about you, and that same person not understanding why you are so upset, because in their mind they did the very thing that shows you they care about you?!
Is your head spinning? I’ll give you a scenario.
Have you ever had this type of friend? We will call her Friend A.
Friend A you could go weeks or months without talking to but then when you see them again everything is great and you can jump back in to being the best of friends?
On the flip side did you ever have a friend like Friend B?
Friend B would be mad if you didn’t call or text one week? Her feelings would be hurt if you didn’t try and make plans soon enough with her. If you ever did go weeks or months without talking to Friend B they would assume you were mad at them, and it would be awkward and hard to get over that little hump and be back to being friends.
Did you ever wonder why Friend B was like that? Why you could not talk to Friend A and be fine but Friend B would be so hurt?
I had those friends. I think we all have. It wasn’t until my twenties I realized what the “problem” was.
Friend B’s love language was quality time, that was how they felt most loved. So, every time they didn’t get a call or you didn’t make an effort to make plans, you were essentially telling them you didn’t care about them. That was how it felt to them. They weren’t feeling loved or cared for in the relationship. This leads to hurt feelings, misunderstandings and, you guessed it, not a successful relationship.
You could have sent Friend B a little something, (receiving gifts), or wrote her a text saying nice things (words of affirmation) but she still wouldn’t have really felt cared for or loved by you. She might appreciate those things but ultimately they wouldn’t feel loved the way a day spent together would make them feel loved!
While on the other hand Friend A could go without hearing from you or seeing you for weeks but as long as you didn’t forget to get her something for her birthday our relationship would be fine! Why? Because Friend A feels loved with receiving gifts! So quality time doesn’t speak to her like it does Friend B.
Starting to make sense?
I believe 100% knowing your significant other’s, and your close friends and family’s love language can drastically change your relationship for the better!
However, it will take work. It’s not easy for me to write out exactly what someone means to me in a card but I do it because I know that those words will make them feel loved. Sometimes it can be hard to schedule in plans with a friend, simply because you are busy not because you don’t want to, but if they need that quality time to feel like I love them, then I for sure am going to do that!
Relationships are what matter the most in this world. How you treat people, how good of a person and friend you are in your life matter. I promise you that if you start to implement these in your relationships they will flourish. You will not only understand them better but yourself too, and what makes you feel most cared for!
So how to figure them out? For starters I would coax your significant other into taking the test and figuring out what theirs is, then maybe your close friends. Not everyone will want to, but after reading the book and taking the test enough you’ll start to be able to see how people feel most loved without them having to take the test.
Hint! Look for how they show love to you, and you are on the right track!
Relationships take work, but it will be work with the biggest payoff you can get.
Psst! I’ve put together a little love language worksheet to help brainstorm different ways you feel and show love in each category. Use it to help evaluate yourself or give it to those close to you to help you love them better and in turn help your relationship thrive! :)
P I N M E !